his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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