Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize