the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
