Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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