He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
