My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
