I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
