i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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