I have demons in me.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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