Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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