we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
