what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
