I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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