apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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