Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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