why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
