Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We have started to decorate penises.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
