Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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