You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
