I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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