i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
