Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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