She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Come share oat with me in your robe
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize