can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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