you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize