So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
