new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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