Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
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