there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
