I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
His hands were made for my vagina.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
