We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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