her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
