question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
