my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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