I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Less talking, more tequila
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
