And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
What a fucking waste of an outfit
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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