I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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