Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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