I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
