Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
