I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
