I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
nutella sex= disaster
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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