i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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