i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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