dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
