He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think your dad took our porno
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
