So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Randomize
