who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
