I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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