Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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