i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
