we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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