You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
