We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
