I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
