she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
