Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Barsexuality is the new black.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The feeling are messing with the penis
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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