I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
