I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
