he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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