she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
