yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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