btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
