you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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