I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
