Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize