its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
