so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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