please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
