I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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