Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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