is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
