Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
zippers are such a cool invention
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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