apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize