So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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