My cat gives me a boner
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
