im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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