You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
