need another drink. this is the easiest way
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize