I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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