Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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