i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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