She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
