i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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