i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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