Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
