you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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