I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
