i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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