They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
