Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
