i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
