wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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