I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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