I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
