I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
