just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Four minutes until I can fart!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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