Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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