I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
