omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize