I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
