i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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