Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
